Liz Writes Life
January 13, 2021
Well, let’s see if I can get the 2021 date right this week. Hopefully, last week, my 2020 and other mistakes were fixed at the editor’s desk!
Writing this column has been interesting. Because I write about my family and my current life in a familiar manner, I feel you readers are my friends. So, with humbleness, I will share that my oldest son, Branden, died last month. Yes, it was by his own hand. He was 45 years old and had been dealing with depression, mood disorder and extreme sadness from when his dad, Jack, died in 2018. Jack’s death was unexpected, although we had just learned his heart was in poor shape -- really poor shape. His heart stopped while he was sleeping. (I personally consider that a great way to go!)
The concern, compassion and sympathy that I and my family have received is amazing. It brings tears to my eyes as I feel your love. You are all so special! The local community has been wonderful to my daughter-in-law, Deana, and my five grandchildren. Yes, my biggest concern is for Branden’s children.
When Jack died, I shared my belief in Jesus Christ as my Savior in this column. I felt a strong sense of peace and that there is certainly a Paradise, where our spirits go for rest, healing, loving and growth. That testimony is still so very strong with me.
It may seem strange, but my Lord and the Comforter (Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit, whichever you call Him) prepared me well for this loss. I knew Branden’s mental health was a problem even though he tried to cover it up. And his wife, Christy, told me that Branden did enter a mental health facility a month before he died. Unfortunately, he only stayed a week.
Some things we cannot fix -- in others or in ourselves. But we do try and worry and fret and pray. Forgiveness is the key -- for ourselves and for others, although forgiveness can be so very hard.
With suicide there is always the guilt in those left behind that they could have done something to change things. Once again, the Comforter has brought peace to me and I will be the first to say I was far from a perfect mom. I do have my sad times.
So, I was feeling a bit guilty, because my peace has been so strong. Then a friend called. Of course, the conversation was long and winding, but this was the advice she gave me. It had been relayed by a mutual friend to her.
“Welcome the peace.”
So, profound and simple! Peace is a gift from the Comforter and Jesus Christ. We should embrace it when it comes. For some, the peace may be first smothered by deep grief, but it will be there. Appreciate it, when you feel it.
We will all deal with grief of the death of loved ones -- no matter how they die. Yes, grief must be felt and allowed and worked through. I believe that I dealt with my grief more when Branden was alive. I had to let go and let Branden make his choices whether they were good or not so good.
So, this is what I wish to share today: When dealing with death or other trials, please don’t get stuck in the grief. Also, guilt will not fix anything. God loves you. Let go and let God heal. God loves the one who died. Paradise is real. Keep trying to make good choices. Pray to feel His love and guidance. Pray for peace and then be sure to “Welcome the peace,” when it comes.
Jesus told us in St. John 14:27 -- “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
And in the previous verse, Jesus tells us how the “Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, … will teach you all things … .”
May God bless us as we continue on our individual path of life. May we acknowledge the things we need to learn, be the servant He would have us be and do more than endure. May we look for and embrace the peace He will give us!
Liz Bowen began writing ranch and farm news, published in newspapers, in 1976. She is a native of Siskiyou County and lives near Callahan. Columns from the past can be found at: lizwriteslife.blogspot.com. Call her at 530-467-3515.
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